ProtonMail vs Threema. The Secure Messenger
“Which one wastes more of your one finite, irreplaceable life? We ran the numbers. We made the numbers up. The result is somehow still accurate.”
ProtonMail
“Where your free time goes to die, beautifully.”
Threema. The Secure Messenger
“The app you'll delete on Sunday and reinstall on Monday.”
| Feature | ProtonMail | Threema. The Secure Messenger |
|---|---|---|
| 🕳️ Hours Wasted / Day | 5.8 hrs More hours = clear winner of nothing. | 5.4 hrs |
| 🔥 Lifetime Damage | 9.9M hrs | 5.2M hrs |
| Our Rating | 4.3 | 4.2 |
| App Store | 4.3 | |
| Google Play | 4.3 | 4.0 |
| Price | Free | $7.49 |
| Downloads | 10M+ More victims downloaded. | 5M+ |
| Size | 104 MB | |
| In-App Purchases 💸 | ||
| Requires Internet | ||
| Age Rating | Everyone | Everyone |
| Developer | Proton AG | Threema GmbH |
By our entirely fabricated metrics, ProtonMail wins the race to the bottom of your free time. Threema. The Secure Messenger is the “responsible” choice, in the way that a slightly smaller slice of cake is responsible. There are no winners here. Only documented hours.
Pick Your Poison
Choose ProtonMail if...
ProtonMail is a solid choice for privacy-conscious individuals who want to secure their email communications, and who mainly use the web or desktop versions. Frequent Android app users should consider its reported performance issues before fully committing, as reliability may vary.
Choose Threema. The Secure Messenger if...
If privacy and security are your top priorities, and you're willing to pay a one-time fee for a messenger app, Threema is a solid choice. However, if you need seamless multi-device support and rock-solid call stability, you might want to explore other options before committing.
Get ProtonMail
Get Threema. The Secure Messenger
Every stat above is affectionately invented. The apps are real, the regret is real, the numbers are vibes. “Requires: stable Wi-Fi, poor impulse control, and a willingness to question your life choices at 2 AM.”