Pokemon GO vs Slay the Spire
“Which one wastes more of your one finite, irreplaceable life? We ran the numbers. We made the numbers up. The result is somehow still accurate.”
Slay the Spire
“It's not addiction if the interface is this good.”
| Feature | Pokemon GO | Slay the Spire |
|---|---|---|
| 🕳️ Hours Wasted / Day | 5.5 hrs | 7.9 hrs More hours = clear winner of nothing. |
| 🔥 Lifetime Damage | 2M hrs | 240.3M hrs |
| Our Rating | 3.8 | 4.0 |
| App Store | 4.2 | |
| Google Play | 3.9 | 4.3 |
| Price | Free | $9.99 |
| Downloads | 500M+ More victims downloaded. | 1M+ |
| Size | 890 MB | |
| In-App Purchases 💸 | ||
| Requires Internet | ||
| Age Rating | Everyone | Everyone 10+ |
| Developer | Niantic, Inc. | Humble Games |
By our entirely fabricated metrics, Slay the Spire wins the race to the bottom of your free time. Pokemon GO is the “responsible” choice, in the way that a slightly smaller slice of cake is responsible. There are no winners here. Only documented hours.
Pick Your Poison
Choose Pokemon GO if...
Pokemon GO remains a unique augmented reality experience that successfully gamifies exercise, but it's increasingly difficult to recommend without reservations. Casual players who enjoy walking and collecting will find value despite technical flaws, while competitive players should beware the steep paywalls and lingering bugs that particularly plague Android devices. Rural residents may want to skip this entirely unless they frequently travel to population centers.
Choose Slay the Spire if...
Slay the Spire is essential playing for strategy and deckbuilding enthusiasts, offering arguably the best roguelike card game experience available on mobile—provided you can tolerate its technical flaws. If you plan to play in short bursts or frequently switch apps, the save system and cloud sync issues may prove too frustrating; for players who can commit to full runs in single sessions or don't mind occasional progress loss, it's an unmatched value.
Get Pokemon GO
Get Slay the Spire
Every stat above is affectionately invented. The apps are real, the regret is real, the numbers are vibes. “Requires: stable Wi-Fi, poor impulse control, and a willingness to question your life choices at 2 AM.”