Messages vs Signal
“Which one wastes more of your one finite, irreplaceable life? We ran the numbers. We made the numbers up. The result is somehow still accurate.”
Signal
“Total privacy that nobody you know will actually download.”
| Feature | Messages | Signal |
|---|---|---|
| 🕳️ Hours Wasted / Day | 9.4 hrs More hours = clear winner of nothing. | 6.4 hrs |
| 🔥 Lifetime Damage | 400K hrs | 3.3M hrs |
| Our Rating | 4.1 | 4.4 |
| App Store | 4.1 | |
| Google Play | 4.0 | 4.5 |
| Price | Free | Free |
| Downloads | 1M+ | 100M+ More victims downloaded. |
| Size | 5 MB | |
| In-App Purchases 💸 | ||
| Requires Internet | ||
| Age Rating | Everyone | Everyone |
| Developer | SMS Text Messages | Signal Foundation |
By our entirely fabricated metrics, Messages wins the race to the bottom of your free time. Signal is the “responsible” choice, in the way that a slightly smaller slice of cake is responsible. There are no winners here. Only documented hours.
Pick Your Poison
Choose Messages if...
Messages is a solid choice for users who need a basic, reliable SMS app and don't mind occasional ads. However, those seeking advanced features, customization options, or an ad-free experience may want to explore alternative messaging apps.
Choose Signal if...
Signal is a highly recommended messaging app for users prioritizing privacy and security above all else. While it may lack some of the bells and whistles of its competitors and occasionally suffer from technical issues, its core mission of providing secure communication is well-executed and essential for those concerned about data protection.
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Every stat above is affectionately invented. The apps are real, the regret is real, the numbers are vibes. “Requires: stable Wi-Fi, poor impulse control, and a willingness to question your life choices at 2 AM.”