Hiya: Spam Blocker & Caller ID vs ProtonMail
“Which one wastes more of your one finite, irreplaceable life? We ran the numbers. We made the numbers up. The result is somehow still accurate.”
Hiya: Spam Blocker & Caller ID
“Designed to be opened once. Statistically, it won't be.”
ProtonMail
“Where your free time goes to die, beautifully.”
| Feature | Hiya: Spam Blocker & Caller ID | ProtonMail |
|---|---|---|
| 🕳️ Hours Wasted / Day | 8.2 hrs More hours = clear winner of nothing. | 5.8 hrs |
| 🔥 Lifetime Damage | 1.5B hrs | 9.9M hrs |
| Our Rating | 4.0 | 4.3 |
| App Store | 4.5 | |
| Google Play | 4.0 | 4.3 |
| Price | Free | Free |
| Downloads | 10M+ | 10M+ |
| Size | 78 MB | |
| In-App Purchases 💸 | ||
| Requires Internet | ||
| Age Rating | Everyone | Everyone |
| Developer | Hiya | Proton AG |
By our entirely fabricated metrics, Hiya: Spam Blocker & Caller ID wins the race to the bottom of your free time. ProtonMail is the “responsible” choice, in the way that a slightly smaller slice of cake is responsible. There are no winners here. Only documented hours.
Pick Your Poison
Choose ProtonMail if...
ProtonMail is a solid choice for privacy-conscious individuals who want to secure their email communications, and who mainly use the web or desktop versions. Frequent Android app users should consider its reported performance issues before fully committing, as reliability may vary.
Get Hiya: Spam Blocker & Caller ID
Get ProtonMail
Every stat above is affectionately invented. The apps are real, the regret is real, the numbers are vibes. “Requires: stable Wi-Fi, poor impulse control, and a willingness to question your life choices at 2 AM.”