Conversations (Jabber / XMPP) vs GroupMe
“Which one wastes more of your one finite, irreplaceable life? We ran the numbers. We made the numbers up. The result is somehow still accurate.”
Conversations (Jabber / XMPP)
“Open for a reason. Stay for no reason at all.”
GroupMe
“It's not addiction if the interface is this good.”
| Feature | Conversations (Jabber / XMPP) | GroupMe |
|---|---|---|
| 🕳️ Hours Wasted / Day | 9.4 hrs More hours = clear winner of nothing. | 6.7 hrs |
| 🔥 Lifetime Damage | 215K hrs | 2.3B hrs |
| Our Rating | 4.2 | 4.5 |
| App Store | 4.7 | |
| Google Play | 4.1 | 4.6 |
| Price | $3.49 | Free |
| Downloads | 100K+ More victims downloaded. | 10M+ |
| Size | 439 MB | |
| In-App Purchases 💸 | ||
| Requires Internet | ||
| Age Rating | Everyone | Teen |
| Developer | Daniel Gultsch | GroupMe |
By our entirely fabricated metrics, GroupMe wins the race to the bottom of your free time. Conversations (Jabber / XMPP) is the “responsible” choice, in the way that a slightly smaller slice of cake is responsible. There are no winners here. Only documented hours.
Pick Your Poison
Choose Conversations (Jabber / XMPP) if...
Conversations (Jabber/XMPP) is a solid choice for security-conscious users who value open-source software and the flexibility of the XMPP protocol. If you're comfortable managing your own XMPP server or finding a reliable provider, and don't require OTR, this app is well worth the price. However, be prepared to troubleshoot occasional technical glitches and verify that push notifications function correctly on your device.
Choose GroupMe if...
GroupMe is a useful tool for simple group communication, especially if you need a free and accessible option for coordinating with a large group across different platforms. However, be prepared to deal with occasional technical hiccups and notification issues, which may make it unsuitable for critical or time-sensitive communications.
Get Conversations (Jabber / XMPP)
Get GroupMe
Every stat above is affectionately invented. The apps are real, the regret is real, the numbers are vibes. “Requires: stable Wi-Fi, poor impulse control, and a willingness to question your life choices at 2 AM.”