Briar vs TextNow: Call + Text Unlimited
“Which one wastes more of your one finite, irreplaceable life? We ran the numbers. We made the numbers up. The result is somehow still accurate.”
Briar
“Designed to be opened once. Statistically, it won't be.”
TextNow: Call + Text Unlimited
“A free phone number that comes with a banner ad mid-conversation.”
| Feature | Briar | TextNow: Call + Text Unlimited |
|---|---|---|
| 🕳️ Hours Wasted / Day | 3.9 hrs | 4.2 hrs More hours = clear winner of nothing. |
| 🔥 Lifetime Damage | 160K hrs | 400.6M hrs |
| Our Rating | 3.9 | 4.6 |
| App Store | 4.8 | |
| Google Play | 3.6 | 4.6 |
| Price | Free | Free |
| Downloads | 1M+ | 100M+ More victims downloaded. |
| Size | 396 MB | |
| In-App Purchases 💸 | ||
| Requires Internet | ||
| Age Rating | Everyone | Everyone |
| Developer | Briar Project | TextNow, Inc. |
By our entirely fabricated metrics, TextNow: Call + Text Unlimited wins the race to the bottom of your free time. Briar is the “responsible” choice, in the way that a slightly smaller slice of cake is responsible. There are no winners here. Only documented hours.
Pick Your Poison
Choose Briar if...
Briar offers a niche but valuable service: truly secure and off-grid communication. It's an excellent choice for activists, journalists, or anyone in situations where privacy and resilience are paramount. However, the limited feature set and potential usability issues may make it less appealing to the average user accustomed to feature-rich messaging apps.
Choose TextNow: Call + Text Unlimited if...
TextNow provides a valuable free communication option, particularly for those needing a secondary number or facing financial constraints. However, users should be prepared for frequent advertisements and potential technical hiccups; those requiring consistently high call quality may want to consider other options.
Get Briar
Get TextNow: Call + Text Unlimited
Every stat above is affectionately invented. The apps are real, the regret is real, the numbers are vibes. “Requires: stable Wi-Fi, poor impulse control, and a willingness to question your life choices at 2 AM.”