Briar vs Signal
“Which one wastes more of your one finite, irreplaceable life? We ran the numbers. We made the numbers up. The result is somehow still accurate.”
Briar
“Designed to be opened once. Statistically, it won't be.”
Signal
“Total privacy that nobody you know will actually download.”
| Feature | Briar | Signal |
|---|---|---|
| 🕳️ Hours Wasted / Day | 3.9 hrs | 6.4 hrs More hours = clear winner of nothing. |
| 🔥 Lifetime Damage | 160K hrs | 3.3M hrs |
| Our Rating | 3.9 | 4.4 |
| App Store | ||
| Google Play | 3.6 | 4.5 |
| Price | Free | Free |
| Downloads | 1M+ | 100M+ More victims downloaded. |
| Size | ||
| In-App Purchases 💸 | ||
| Requires Internet | ||
| Age Rating | Everyone | Everyone |
| Developer | Briar Project | Signal Foundation |
By our entirely fabricated metrics, Signal wins the race to the bottom of your free time. Briar is the “responsible” choice, in the way that a slightly smaller slice of cake is responsible. There are no winners here. Only documented hours.
Pick Your Poison
Choose Briar if...
Briar offers a niche but valuable service: truly secure and off-grid communication. It's an excellent choice for activists, journalists, or anyone in situations where privacy and resilience are paramount. However, the limited feature set and potential usability issues may make it less appealing to the average user accustomed to feature-rich messaging apps.
Choose Signal if...
Signal is a highly recommended messaging app for users prioritizing privacy and security above all else. While it may lack some of the bells and whistles of its competitors and occasionally suffer from technical issues, its core mission of providing secure communication is well-executed and essential for those concerned about data protection.
Get Briar
Get Signal
Every stat above is affectionately invented. The apps are real, the regret is real, the numbers are vibes. “Requires: stable Wi-Fi, poor impulse control, and a willingness to question your life choices at 2 AM.”