Blasphemous vs SpongeBob - The Cosmic Shake
“Which one wastes more of your one finite, irreplaceable life? We ran the numbers. We made the numbers up. The result is somehow still accurate.”
SpongeBob - The Cosmic Shake
“Five stars from people who meant to stop an hour ago.”
| Feature | Blasphemous | SpongeBob - The Cosmic Shake |
|---|---|---|
| 🕳️ Hours Wasted / Day | 5.2 hrs More hours = clear winner of nothing. | 3.1 hrs |
| 🔥 Lifetime Damage | 124K hrs | 310K hrs |
| Our Rating | 4.3 | 4.1 |
| App Store | 4.4 | 4.0 |
| Google Play | 4.3 | 4.0 |
| Price | $7.99 | $9.99 |
| Downloads | 50K+ | 50K+ |
| Size | 921 MB | 1578 MB |
| In-App Purchases 💸 | ||
| Requires Internet | ||
| Age Rating | Mature 17+ | Everyone 10+ |
| Developer | The Game Kitchen | HandyGames |
By our entirely fabricated metrics, Blasphemous wins the race to the bottom of your free time. SpongeBob - The Cosmic Shake is the “responsible” choice, in the way that a slightly smaller slice of cake is responsible. There are no winners here. Only documented hours.
Pick Your Poison
Choose Blasphemous if...
Blasphemous is a worthwhile purchase for fans of Metroidvanias and Soulslike games who appreciate challenging gameplay and a dark aesthetic, but be aware of the control quirks on mobile. If you prioritize precise controls and a forgiving experience, consider playing on other platforms or waiting for further mobile updates.
Choose SpongeBob - The Cosmic Shake if...
SpongeBob - The Cosmic Shake is a fun platformer for fans of the series, especially those who enjoyed Battle for Bikini Bottom. However, be aware of potential performance issues on some devices; consider using a controller for the best experience. If you are willing to fiddle with the settings and have a compatible device, it may be worth the price particularly if you catch the game on sale.
Get Blasphemous
Get SpongeBob - The Cosmic Shake
Every stat above is affectionately invented. The apps are real, the regret is real, the numbers are vibes. “Requires: stable Wi-Fi, poor impulse control, and a willingness to question your life choices at 2 AM.”