⚔️ Head-to-Head · Hours Wasted, Documented

ProtonMail vs Threema. The Secure Messenger

“Which one wastes more of your one finite, irreplaceable life? We ran the numbers. We made the numbers up. The result is somehow still accurate.”

ProtonMail

ProtonMail

Communication
★★★★☆4.3
874.5M
Lifetime Hours Wasted

Productivity sold separately.

vs
Threema. The Secure Messenger

Threema. The Secure Messenger

Communication
★★★★☆4.2
1.9M
Lifetime Hours Wasted

The app you'll delete on Sunday and reinstall on Monday.

📊 The Damage Report
ФункціяProtonMailThreema. The Secure Messenger
🕳️ Hours Wasted / Day5.4 hrs9.0 hrs
More hours = clear winner of nothing.
🔥 Lifetime Damage874.5M hrs1.9M hrs
Наш рейтинг4.34.2
App Store4.3
Google Play4.34.0
ЦінаБезкоштовно$7.49
Завантаження10M+
More victims downloaded.
5M+
Розмір104 MB
Внутрішні покупки 💸
Потрібен інтернет
Вікове обмеженняEveryoneEveryone
РозробникProton AGThreema GmbH
⚖️ The Verdict

By our entirely fabricated metrics, ProtonMail wins the race to the bottom of your free time. Threema. The Secure Messenger is the “responsible” choice, in the way that a slightly smaller slice of cake is responsible. There are no winners here. Only documented hours.

Pick Your Poison

💬

Оберіть ProtonMail, якщо...

ProtonMail is a solid choice for privacy-conscious individuals who want to secure their email communications, and who mainly use the web or desktop versions. Frequent Android app users should consider its reported performance issues before fully committing, as reliability may vary.

🎵

Оберіть Threema. The Secure Messenger, якщо...

If privacy and security are your top priorities, and you're willing to pay a one-time fee for a messenger app, Threema is a solid choice. However, if you need seamless multi-device support and rock-solid call stability, you might want to explore other options before committing.

Завантажити ProtonMail

Завантажити Threema. The Secure Messenger

⚠️ Fine Print Nobody Reads

Every stat above is affectionately invented. The apps are real, the regret is real, the numbers are vibes. Requires: stable Wi-Fi, poor impulse control, and a willingness to question your life choices at 2 AM.